


The Cupcake

by Astarloa



Category: Death Note
Genre: Crack!poem, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-02
Updated: 2012-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-02 22:31:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astarloa/pseuds/Astarloa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which L is confronted by a peculiar cupcake. Or, if Edgar Allan Poe had watched Death Note he’d have written about cupcakes and not ravens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cupcake

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Edgar Allan Poe wrote ‘The Raven’ and ‘Death Note’ belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

Once upon an endless morning, as L was typing, tired and yawning,  
Hypotheses of Kira quickly as the computer would allow -  
While he squinted, head a-pounding, his nose did twitch as all around him,  
Came sweet scents that did surround, surround and leave a crease upon his brow.  
"It’s just Watari baking" he muttered, "Pastries that he’s making – but I must continue working now."

Ah, but this case did cause frustration, was a source of endless irritation,  
In which each fact learnt did contradict existing truths, somehow.  
But L’s suspicions scarcely wavered, and still he found himself in favour  
Of Light as the world’s supposed saviour – a saviour that he’d destroy right now -  
But for the Death Note’s rule of thirteen days, forever this he did avow – forever this he did avow.

And yet the sickly, sweet enticing yearning for baked goods was slowly growing  
Held him – Held him still and silent, back frozen in an angled bow;  
Until, to stop the rumbling deep inside him, he unfurled with quiet mumbling:  
“It’s Watari’s fault for baking treats, treats I want to eat right now.   
My hunt for Kira shall resume once I’m replete, this I do avow – this I do avow.   
But what I need is sugar now.”

Determination was upon him; hesitating then no longer,  
L shuffled quickly through dim hallways, thinking thoughts as always of both the silly and profound,  
“The fact my head’s a-pounding, and the smell does all surround me,   
Surround and slow by ten percent my brain a-thinking of connections ever-so profound” – here he bit his thumbnail, ow –   
“Means I must have sugar now.”

Deep within headquarters seeking, long he wandered, bare feet slinking,  
Thinking, weaving dark and complex thoughts of Kira’s killing powers. How?  
But with baked goods still ellusive, his ideas were inconclusive,  
And the only answer given was the oft repeated whisper of, “I must have sugar, now.”  
This he whispered, and the silence mumbled back the words, “Come and find me, sweet sleuthound.”  
\- Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Now!!

Through into the kitchen searching, growling stomach twisting, lurching,  
L rummaged wildly through the pantry throwing footstuffs to the ground.  
“Surely,” moaned he, “Surely there must be something more than flour, fruit and instant porridge;  
Let me think, now - oh Death Gods, is that a cabbage?! There’s no pastry to be found –  
Let my brain be only still a moment and that sweet aroma shall be found; –  
The sugar won’t elude me, this I do avow.”

Eyes narrow then he flung the cover, sharply, as his pulse did flare and flutter  
From a plate sat lonely on the bench he’d failed to notice ‘til just now.  
What blissful discovery made he; not a breath did take he,  
For there lay a single cupcake topped with frosting and just, wow -  
Although the sight and smears of strawberry jam did prompt a wary frown -  
“B will have to find his own. This one’s mine, I do avow.”

Then the cupcake soothing sadness, ghostly memories of his brother’s madness  
By the sweet and glossed appearance of baked enchantment so profound,  
“Though you may be slightly small and messy, true" he said, “you will be tasty  
Lovely, lone and radiant pastry that I’ve hard hunted and now found.  
It almost seems a shame to eat you but I must have sugar now!”  
Quoth the Cupcake, “Eat me, now.”

Much L marvelled and stood blinking to hear his cupcake plainly speaking,  
Baked treats were usually silent – never uttering a sound;  
A genius, he remained quite certain that no human being had heard murmured  
Instructions from sugared sweets to consume and eat them now –  
Not even slightly small and messy treats, this he did avow – this he did avow.  
Quoth the Cupcake, “Eat me, now.”

“Be those words a taunt or teasing, evil cupcake,” L intoned, eyes cold and freezing –  
“I care not for your theatrics, for still I must have sugar to capture Kira as avowed.”  
With that he snatched the cupcake from its plate and muttered, “Lawliet, you can no longer wait -   
It could be worse, it _would_ be worse if you were eating feathered things right now.”  
And the only noise heard thereafter was a happy, chewing sound.


End file.
